Missing: One major league baseball team. Answers to the name of Atlanta Braves. Last seen April 28 after win over Cleveland. Went missing on plane flight to Seattle, not seen since. Began the 2024 season red hot, winning 19 out of 26 games. Formerly known to score runs in great bunches, particularly in the early innings. Also previously hit massive home runs, at record pace last season. Has not been seen at former home on Comcast since May 1. Last observed desperately clutching World Series rings. Team led away by balding friendly White man in his 60s with street name “Snit.” Other team members may respond affirmatively to names “Money Mike” and “The Big Bear.” The latter is the only player likely to be on base and might be wearing oven mitts. Fans are frantic to locate Braves while season still salvageable. Approach with caution—team can swing hard but usually misses. If you have any information, please call 911, Major League Baseball, and Truist Park immediately.